Six indicators of an emotionally exhausting relationship, with advice for coping

• Image Credit: MyMind

• Aug 15, 2022 | Kabir Chakraborty

If you realize there is a lot of interference, give yourself permission to step back and talk to your spouse, friend, or family member who is interfering and let them know what is bothering you.

Digital Desk: Relationships that frequently clash, lack genuineness, pay
little attention, or exhibit little reciprocity are draining. In some
situations, the tension, annoyance, or anger may even feel greater than the
connection. To this person, you might even feel so "used" that your
condition of tiredness seems normal. Perhaps it's the judgmental parent, the
friend who regularly cancels plans or the spouse to whom you are powerless to
say "no." Whatever the reason, relationships that are draining
frequently fail to foster genuine connection.

 Divya Robin, a therapist and wellness educator, claims that
"The first stage in the process is being conscious of the symptoms of
weariness and respecting your emotions." It does not imply that you are
being ungrateful for the relationship if you admit that you are emotionally
spent. It simply means that adjustments could be necessary in order to meet the
interests of all parties. She also offered some warning indicators of an
emotionally exhausting relationship and solutions.

One subject dominates the conversation almost always

If the other person isn't aware of your needs, start by outlining what
you need them to do. Change the dynamic by opening up more to the other person,
and remember that it's alright to rely on others who can and will satisfy your
needs if the other person is unable to help you. Set reasonable expectations
for other people (e.g., if someone always brings them up when you need someone
to listen to your rant, maybe avoid them).

You believe that around them, you can't be yourself

Talk to them about how you're feeling and get in the habit of being real
in unfamiliar environments. Try to get involved in new online organizations,
meetups, or neighbourhood activities if you don't already have places where you
feel comfortable being yourself. Recognize that people change and
"outgrow" relationships at different times. Suppressing yourself and
your feelings might lead to shame, but keep in mind that you deserve of
embracing pieces of who you are.

You experience a sense of unease being around them

Do you worry about doing something wrong and their response when you are
with them, for instance? As you try to freely express your emotional demands to
the other person, pay attention to the place where the feelings are coming from
and gauge their response. Set limits if the other person's actions are
detrimental to your wellbeing. Ask the person directly, "Are you upset
with me?" or "Are you okay," rather than avoiding the matter (if
it feels safe to do so).

Your
connection is causing problems in your other relationships

Consider how the connection is affecting your other relationships, your
career, and other aspects of your life. Return to your core beliefs and begin
basing your choices on them rather than the negative aspects of the
relationship. If you realize there is a lot of interference, give yourself
permission to step back and talk to your spouse, friend, or family member who
is interfering and let them know what is bothering you.

You will
experience ongoing criticism and underappreciation

Remember that what other people think of you does not determine your
value. When you are criticized, talk to the person about how you are feeling
rather than "adding" to the criticism, because criticizing someone
"back" isn't helpful. Be aware of the distinction between complaints
and criticism, and know that you have the right to disconnect and find
supportive environments where you feel valued and appreciated if the person's
actions do not change after you discuss how the criticism is affecting you.

 After spending time with them, you need to "recover" for
a while

Consider the reasons for your need to "recover" and whether
you felt worn out after being with that particular individual. Give yourself
time to rest and recover. Limit your interactions with them and set boundaries.
Think about what "appropriate" "healing" means and
take care of yourself. Before choosing to spend time with that individual,
consider your emotional requirements and try to create encounters that don't feel
exhausting.

One's mental health and general well-being are greatly impacted by
relationships. Humans are, by nature, sociable creatures that long for
connection. As a result, we make an effort to connect with people and don't
always consider whether such ties are mutual. In order to prevent your
relationship from being emotionally taxing, it is crucial to reflect on it.